She only wants to be friends.....
Well then maybe I should had gave her the chocolates in the picture above instead of finishing them up because of some sweet temptations... I love kinders... especially bueno... I was also a bit reluctant to give her a box full because of the word friends written on it instead of "SPECIAL" or sorts because it just doesn't feel right to me...
Oh well, things havent been going on good lately especially for this year where i have lost eventually everything important to me. Lost my laptop where my whole life's memories captured in pictures and videos in it... the laptop cost little to me... but its the memories that cost me my life and soul... along with my good handphone memories in that thing too in similar forms and business contacts... lost half of my friends contacts because i lost a phone and i havent been recovering from that. next I lost my long termed relationship when it was going well and happily waiting for the right time... and i am on alcohols and cigs most of the time... and most importantly i lost my confidence talking to everyone... cause i feel like i have nothing better to offer other than just both my hands... no cash, no credit cards, no commitments...
living without that special someone to share with is my biggest problem now... there are friends around... good ones in fact... but growing up being a outcast for being born into a mixed blood family doesnt teach me how to share but rather the other way round and also it lowers down the social rates and well lowers down the confidence level... which cause me problems now meeting new people and also telling that someone what i really wants...
the other problem has been there forever... heart races frantically whenever alone with her... mind just had that extra kicks but its not thinking... honestly... she had been the one i had constantly tried to let go and ignored but i couldnt help drawing towards her... because i wan her by my side... so that i could be by her side... to love her, pamper her, protect her, and support her... eventhough i know i have limited reserves to actually do everything but i would like to be there for her everytime she needs it...
but i failed miserably all these years... i blame timing, i blame situations, and i blame myself for not appreciatting her when i had the chance...
Should i moved on and leave this chapter or i should hold on because this is the new chapter... i'm not sure myself... Moving on means finding a chick that is pretty enough, good enough and have a relationship while my heart still have feeling for her... so unfair towrds the new girl who doesnt know me...
but holding on might waste my own previous time... i should be out there enjoying...
puzzles... dun even know which ones i am in...
but well... honestly i hate to continue denying those feelings to everyone including my family...
Oh well, things havent been going on good lately especially for this year where i have lost eventually everything important to me. Lost my laptop where my whole life's memories captured in pictures and videos in it... the laptop cost little to me... but its the memories that cost me my life and soul... along with my good handphone memories in that thing too in similar forms and business contacts... lost half of my friends contacts because i lost a phone and i havent been recovering from that. next I lost my long termed relationship when it was going well and happily waiting for the right time... and i am on alcohols and cigs most of the time... and most importantly i lost my confidence talking to everyone... cause i feel like i have nothing better to offer other than just both my hands... no cash, no credit cards, no commitments...
living without that special someone to share with is my biggest problem now... there are friends around... good ones in fact... but growing up being a outcast for being born into a mixed blood family doesnt teach me how to share but rather the other way round and also it lowers down the social rates and well lowers down the confidence level... which cause me problems now meeting new people and also telling that someone what i really wants...
the other problem has been there forever... heart races frantically whenever alone with her... mind just had that extra kicks but its not thinking... honestly... she had been the one i had constantly tried to let go and ignored but i couldnt help drawing towards her... because i wan her by my side... so that i could be by her side... to love her, pamper her, protect her, and support her... eventhough i know i have limited reserves to actually do everything but i would like to be there for her everytime she needs it...
but i failed miserably all these years... i blame timing, i blame situations, and i blame myself for not appreciatting her when i had the chance...
Should i moved on and leave this chapter or i should hold on because this is the new chapter... i'm not sure myself... Moving on means finding a chick that is pretty enough, good enough and have a relationship while my heart still have feeling for her... so unfair towrds the new girl who doesnt know me...but holding on might waste my own previous time... i should be out there enjoying...
puzzles... dun even know which ones i am in...
but well... honestly i hate to continue denying those feelings to everyone including my family...
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